'American Idol': Heir Jordin

At her audition in Seattle, Contestant 80066 impressed at least two of the judges, who predicted "You're going to do well." Wednesday night, she was crowned Season 6's well-est of all.

After Tuesday night's sing-off/smackdown, viewers voted Jordin Sparks the winner of Season 6 of "American Idol." Wednesday night, viewers spent almost two-hours waiting for that verdict, which was like waiting all night for the official results of the Reagan/Mondale landslide in 1984. A no-brainer.

Blake Lewis was trying to become the first barely mediocre singer to win this competition, but even the mainstream TV-watching populace has standards, and he did not meet them. Ultimately, the show met its purpose: A very good singer has been given the chance to succeed in the wildly speculative and unpredictable marketplace that is pop music. Jordin Sparks, welcome to Deadwood.

And the winner is ...

For some wildly speculative ruminations on what lies ahead for both finalists and for some observations on the two-hour finale, see below.

JORDIN SPARKS

What's next: She has to define her niche and pick a song that will get played on more than one radio format (and one of them probably should not be adult/contemporary, which is where Taylor Hicks has disappeared to). She'd be better off being daring than safe. She easily handled a big Martina McBride song, twice; it'd be real interesting to see if she could get a ballad on country radio -- not a banjo and fiddle tune, but a country-diva thing, like Martina or Faith Hill. Sheryl Crow did it with "First Cut is the Deepest"; Carrie Underwood did the reverse, crossing over to Top 40 with a country song. How would country radio welcome a bi-racial teenage girl with a voice good enough to handle a Martina hit? Maybe we'll see.

Otherwise, she should avoid taking the R&B/soul diva path, which is over-populated with ladies about her age with more talent.

Hello, I'm Blake, and I'm addicted to the beat-box. Dude will sell some records, but he needs to act fast, before his base gets through puberty.

BLAKE LEWIS

What's next: He should re-record, release and sell whatever original material he already has prepared as soon as he can. He should market posters of himself on Seventeen.com. or during "Gilmore Girls" reruns. He should go on "Oprah" under any pretense and solidify his position among the females 24-38 years old who think he's hot and who aren't jiggy with John Mayer's recent affair with the blues. He should do something other than just toss out a generic album and hope his celebrity sells it.

The voice is average, but so are a lot of others out there. The Maroon 5/Rob Thomas route seems most likely; if he tries to pretend he's hip-hop worthy, he'll get fried and destroyed. That crowd won't accept him.

Things we learned and witnessed during the finale (and the pre-game show):

Paula Abdul confessed she had trouble learning all the contestants' names this year. So much to remember, so few cells to retain it.

Tayor Hicks has written a book about his first year as an "Idol" winner. Finally, a sleeping aid without side-effects.

All of this year's male "Idol" losers were in the Kodak Theatre to perform a Smokey Robinson medley. It was like a gathering of every losing vice-presidential candidate over the past 20 years. (That makes you James Stockdale, Sanjaya.)

Even today, Smokey Robinson has a better voice and more soul than Blake Lewis and Taylor Hicks combined.

Blake did some beat-boxing with guest Doug E. Fresh. Not since "Blazing Saddles" have so many people cheered so long and loud for the sound of simulated farts. We have seen the future, and that has not been it for a long time.

Figuring it's better to ridicule someone more than once as long as you hold rights to the footage, Fox and "Idol" handed out awards to the people who most disgraced themselves during the audition, including the enormous older woman dressed like a canary (who molested Ryan Seacrest). And we wonder why India and China are kicking our ass in education and technology.

The lady losers from this season joined Jordin for a medley of Gladys Knight songs. Haley Scarnato reprised the legs that kept her on life-support for several weeks; Stephanie Edwards reminded everyone how good she is/was; and LaKisha Jones sang joyously, as if Bon Jovi had never been born.

Even today, Gladys Knight has more gospel-funk and soul in her bones than Blake Lewis and Jordin Sparks combined.

Melinda Doolittle performed "Hold Up the Light" with the Winans -- and killed it -- and sounded like she'd already won this year's "Idol." Maybe she had.

Carrie Underwood performed and took a trophy from Clive Davis for managing to sell about 6 million copies of her first album in less than 18 months. She typifies where "singers" like Jordin Sparks need to go: to a place  where their looks, personalities and voices can be used to turn songs into big hits. Back in the 1960s that place was Motown. Now, it's a matter of her finding the right tutor, the right mentor, the right stylist, the right songwriter, the right producer.

Sanjaya Malakar returned to reprise his abuse of the Kinks' "You Really Got Me." Except this time he brought a gunslinger to a gunfight: Joe Perry of Aerosmith played lead guitar for the kid who can't sing straight.

Green Day performed its contribution to a CD that benefits refugees of Darfur: "Working Class Hero," a John Lennon song.

Bette Midler sang and made Jerry Springer cry. He was seated next to Jeff Foxworthy, which proves how star-studded this event has become, especially for people whose fame is about out of flicker. The numbers: About 74 million votes were cast for this year's final show. Those kind of numbers will get attention from people like Joe Perry, Bette Midler and even mega-star Carrie Underwood, who was invented by this show.

Comments

[Jeannie Padgett]

You forgot to say anything about Melinda Doolittle. She was great with the Winans. I think they should make it a trio. I hope she goes on to bigger and better things also.

[rumi]

What upset me the most about the program..while disning out accolades and kudos to past winners of Idol..They snubbed Katherine Mcphee, whom I think could have given Joridin a run for the money..Taylor Hicks is not gonna turn out to become another Elvis as I am sure he envisions himself..He will continue to do concerts in one horse towns and small audiences but he won't be a star headliner by any means..Chris Doughtry already out sells him..as I bet Kathering McPhee will do soon..The show was kind of a let down actually..Sanjaya was allowed to prove once again that his vocals are not anywhere near top professional level..these peoples 15 minutes of fame is closing rapidly..I do hope Melinda gets her chance to be a lead singer with some group and that they become somewhat of a success.
Jordin will become a good singer and will have success if handled right..she is young and I hope she gets in with the right people...maybe she should do some work for disney and move along like so many of the new young female artist have done..we will see..it was a good season and as most of these folks fade into obscurity, I am sure some will surprise us with a song or performance here and there.Now America's got talent is coming..will be interesting to see how Hasslehoff deals will his recent infamy...later yall

[The Fact Is...]

The judges are wrong -- particularly Simon, who has said it the most -- to say that Idol is a singing contest. The fact is, it is a popularity contest. WHO CASTS THE VOTES THAT DECIDE THE WINNERS EVERY WEEK!! The viewing public -- very few of whom are qualified to judge singing talent (much like the Idol judges). I think the judges unfairly handicapped Blake by saying repeatedly that "Blake is a great entertainer, but this is a singing contest" -- comments which probably cost Blake tens of thousands of votes. Bottom line -- the judges are wrong -- Idol is a popularity contest, period.

[filmore]

I appreciate the review of the finale as well as the other comments. I'll remember to check the column next year about this time as that will be about all I care to know about this show (joke)(my comment wasn't intended as a joke, the show is a joke).

[rumi]

"Blake is a great entertainer"
not in my books..I wouldn't pay a dime to see him..he got as far as he did by gimmicks that delighted the younger audience..nothing special about him..a year from the last Idol..Kathrine McPhee has records out, Chris Daughtry has the number selling record in the country..Taylor hicks is trying and has a record out..of all the singers from this year..I would be willing to bet that only maybe Melinda and Jordin will put out any thing that will get picked up by the mainstream market..only one was a good or perhaps great entertainer this year and that was Melinda..we might hear from her again..and if Jordin is brung along right she may have a future impact..but no Blake was/is not a "great" entertainer...he will slip back into oblivion..geeeze

[Plumnbagel]

Why the Beatles "tribute?" Did Paul McCartney pull out of an appearance? Was someone from EMI able to convince the producers to prime the pump for new Beatles album re-releases?

[susan]

Blake and his Dad should form a twin act.Those faces are identical and they are both annoying.By the way, why did Blake always turn his head to his right after every few lines he sang? Do you think he was trying to tune out the sound he just made and hear it only with one ear. That guy is mediocre at best.He's got good manners though.

[Gary]

Tim, my mother grew up outside of Rockville, Missouri. Is the blog named "Back to Rockville" just because it fits or do you have a connection to Rockville? Enjoy your break from "American Idol."

[Tim Finn]

It's a play on an old (and favorite) R.E.M. song, "(Don't Go Back To) Rockville," from their "Reckoning" album. They hooked up in Athens, Ga. No Rockville in Georgia, but there's one in S.C.

[Musical Justice]

For what it's worth, I think I remember Mike Mills saying in an interview that the friend that "Rockville" was written for lived in Rockville, Maryland.

You can see a live version of the REM song at my blog @ musicjustice.blogspot.com.

As for AI, I can't see any of this year's crop hitting the high water marks set by Clarkson, Daughtry or Underwood, although Melinda could become a gospel star of some note. I wondered last night as I watched Clive Davis talk about music with all the passion of an accountant, if the AI folks ever realized just how lucky they were to have Kelly Clarkson win in year one. Does anyone really think that it would have become the cultural phenomenon it's become if the first two winners had been Justin and Ruben?

[Gary]

Cool REM reference. Now that "American Idol" is off you can cover musicians that have substance.

[Louise7]

My favorite was Melinda Melinda will released her first album at the end of the summer. Like Jordin is the little babygirl of Melinda will be great to share the great new about Melinda. If you are one of fan of Melinda Doolittle new website to support her with her new coming album www.mdstreetteam.com