'Idol': Happy Re-birthday

Above: David Cook gave "Billie Jean" a post-grunge makeover and the judges went ga-ga. 

Tuesday night, contestants performed songs that were popular (or not) the year of their births. A few made wise choices, one made a very calculated choice and others played it safe and dull.

Our King of Blue Springs, David Cook, born in 1982, had to sit through the other nine performances before he had his chance to unleash his take on Chris Cornell's version of "Billie Jean," the Michael Jackson blockbuster. It was a grand finale. Simon: "It could have been insane or amazing. It was amazing."

At this point, Cook's finish on "Idol" is almost irrelevant; each week he builds more momentum for a career after the show. You could argue that losing in the late rounds would be a gift. Like Chris Daughtry, he could proceed without being indentured to the "Idol" brand or tagged as a reality-show creation. Right now, he's the No. 1 seed, looking down on contestants who are struggling to find fresh ways to show off their average to good voices. He may not win this thing but he could very well end up being this season's most commercially successful contestant. The roll call:

   

Ramiele Malubay (1987): Hers is the first of several bad song choices: Heart's "Alone."She has a teen-pop/R&B voice, not a big-rock siren. It doesn't help that she's small and slight and cute -- way more Kylie Minogue than Ann Wilson or Lita Ford. It sounds strained, wobbly and off-pitch to me all the way through. Squeakcrest says she has been ill, which might explain the voice but doesn't excuse the poor selection. Randy Jackson gives the first of several candid critiques: It was pitchy. Bad selection. Paula, who is in full-blown blather mode this evening: I'm really glad America has heard you sing. You have "a tremendous amount of credit and ... brave. You are a big talent in a small package." Simon hedges, for some reason: The last half was shrieky; but you'll get through to next week. (I think she's toast.)

Jason Castro (1987): Tuesday was his birthday and he celebrated by singing "Fragile," a lovely cut from Sting's second solo album, "... Nothing Like the Sun." He sits comfortably behind his guitar and stays well inside his beach-busker box. It's nice, but nice isn't going to win this thing, no matter how fluently you sing the Spanish parts. Randy: Do something different. Paula: "niche" ... "in your zone" ... "who you are ..." Simon: Take this thing more seriously. You're too laid back. His laid-back reaction: Um, like, yeah I wanna win, heh-heh.

Syesha Mercado (1987): She is the most visually appealing of the 10 remaining contestants and she has one of the brighter personalities, down to that weird baby-cry thing she does. But she can't translate that into her performances. She picks a big soul ballad, "If I Were Your Woman," and hits it hard enough to shatter the bat but not leave the yard. The judges are impressed by her near-diva-ness but not smitten. Randy: Very good. Stellar. Your best. Paula: You flipped the switch. Simon: Ditto.

Chikezie (1985): He follows that with a Luther V. treatment of another old-school soul track, "If Only For One Night." He shows off his range and one or two other vocal techniques, but it's pretty dull and cliche, like he has never heard of Maxwell or D'Angelo. Randy: I didn't love it. It wasn't hip. Paula: Amazing. Lots of vocal textures. Simon: You sang it well, but it was cheesy. You have to show you're original. You can't do that by copying the original. Could visit the Bottom 3.

Brooke White (1983): When Squeakcrest announced she was doing a Police song, I knew which one it'd be: "Every Breath You Take." She bores me. Like Jason Castro, she brings the same pasta salad to the potluck barbecue every week. Bring a freaking meat dish just once. She commits a false start that gets her some bonus points (I guess it was an accident), but the rest doesn't sound right to me: like a solemn, gospel version of a song about someone's psychotic, borderline-homicidal obsession with former lover. The judges are luke-hot. Randy: Liked the first part, piano only. The band/orchestra ruined it for me. Paula sticks up for that pasta salad: "You're consistent. I hear one note and I know it's you." Simon: Yea, what Randy said.

Above: Michael Johns isn't likely to win this thing, but he sang "We Are the Champions" anyway.

Michael Johns (1978): A week after mangling one giant tune, "A Day in the Life," he goes after another. His return to Queen is an acknowledgment that (a) he's in trouble and (b) rock is his world. He roars through "We Will Rock You/We Are the Champions," showing off his big voice. It didn't do a lot for me but it sent the judges through the roof. Randy: Best of the night. Paula: "... your shining moment." Simon: I saw star potential.

Carly Smithson (1983): Picks a horrid song, "Total Eclipse of the Heart," which will always sound like a Meatloaf parody to me. Her version is fierce and wild and not so pleasant. Pitch is OK but it sounds like she's in a state of feverish alarm. At the end, she squats deeply so she can birth a final run that is long and epic but not so entertaining. Randy: Liked it but didn't love it. Paula: I love what you did at the end. You can do no wrong. Simon: Something wasn't right. You looked tense. Lighten up.

David Archuleta (1990): I didn't recognize the song he chose, "You're the Voice." (It was made famous by a guy once in Little River Band, John Farnham.) It is a spectacularly overwrought and hoaky "We Are the World"/ "Can't we all get along?" anthem, and Little D makes it all seem even weirder with his goofy hopping dance and over-earnest facial expressions. His vocals weren't all that pristine either. The judges look slightly aghast. Randy: Um, the song was kind of WTF? But you sang it pretty good. Paula: "You could sing the phone book" (and probably should have). Simon can't contain his revulsion: It was like a theme park performance. I was waiting for the cartoon characters to come out and join you. He, too, may join the Vulnerable 3.

Kristy Lee Cook (1984): She picks Lee Greenwood's "God Bless the USA," which Simon would call one of the most clever song choices in years. Right. She pretty much bullet-proofed herself with that one: No one's going to mock the song, especially a judge from England or one who's last name is Abdul. So she sings it without any major flaws and gives it the big rousing finish, proving nothing about her vocal skills but everything about her shrewdness. And she gets three salutes from the judges, who weren't gonna touch this with a 20-foot flag pole. Randy: Very nice. Paula: It was respectful and poignant. Simon: Your best by a mile.

David Cook (1982): I hadn't heard the Chris Cornell version, so this one caught me off-guard. Cook isn't Cornell in many, many ways, but his slightly harder rendition holds up really well to Cornell's, especially under so much stress: live and in front of tens of millions of viewers. And it blew away the judges. Randy: Dude, you could win this thing.

All he really needs to do is hang around as long as possible, shoot par and a few birdies and the rest will take care of itself. Somewhere, labels are already plotting a game plan for him and songwriters are writing mainstream material for him. The only way he might screw this thing up is by winning it all. Losing gracefully in the Top 3 or 4 might be better.

Tonight: Three are sent to the gates of damnation; one is pushed through. And if it isn't Ramiele Malubay, I'll still be proud to be an American.

Comments

[smartman]

David Cook has no REAL rockstar mojo. Whatever post-Idol career he might have will flame out faster then that dude that sang Mambo #9. He's not as original or daring as the peanut gallery thinks he is. Wes Scantlin is still the TOP KC ROCKSTAR of all time....David Cook may be Puddle of dud????

[Donkey Shane]

Wes Scantlin: Coming soon to an episode of "Where are they now and who cares?" on VH1.

[Vandelay]

I agree with your assessments, Tim. Especially that Cook would be better off letting the babyfaced David A. win the whole thing, while he parlays a top 4 finish into a career as a mainstream rocker. Making the top 2 would likely kill whatever shred of rock credibility he might have left. Bo Bice, enough said.

By the way, the reason "Total Eclipse of the Heart" sounds like Meatloaf is that both share the overwrought songwriting talents of Jim Steinman.