'Idol" final: Dulling me softly with his songs

David Cook kept rock alive on "Idol" last night. The judges liked the over-emoting balladeer more, though.

LOS ANGELES -- You can't bring cell phones into the Nokia Theater during "American Idol." You can for other events, but not this one. If you forgot or, like me, didn't know, the sensitive metal detectors will expose you and you'll be pulled out of line and sent to a holding pen so you can wait for the guy who takes the cell phones away.

A former Idol contestant tried to sneak his cell phone in. It was the guy from this season with the skunk stripe in his hair. He sang "Moon River."

As he was hanging out in front of the theater long before show time, he seemed a little miffed that he wasn't getting much attention. He seemed even  more miffed after he tried to get in the theater with his cell phone and they sent him to the holding pen. He cut to the front of the holding-pen line, but before anyone could object, it was discovered that he didn't even have a ticket to get in. "I need a ticket?" he asked. Sorry but your skunk stripe isn't going to get you in. So he had to leave the theater, walk to will-call and then return, knowing he would be sent back to the holding pen.

The theater has a procedure for confiscating cell phones. The phone custodian takes the phone from you, gives you one of those generic tickets you get for bingo raffles or for rides at parking-lot carnivals and then tosses your cell-phone in a box with all the other hostage cell phones (and there are many dozens). They are available for repossession after the show.

Inside the theater, more former "Idol" contestants are trying to relive their 15 minutes of fame, too: Gina Glocksen and Chris Sligh, who finished ninth and 10th last year, are signing autographs. About the time Sligh takes a seat close to the action, Mr. Skunk Stripe -- Jason Yeager, who got blown out before the Top 20 -- walks up to shake his hand. They bond like frat brothers. I can only imagine the sparkling conversation among this weird confederacy of vague and dimming celebrities.

Little D is an  accomplice in the show's quest to carry a metaphor way too far.

Then Melinda Doolittle takes a seat a row ahead of me. She finished third last year. She must have decided late to come to this pageant or she'd be sitting a lot closer than Chris Sligh. She signs some autographs but pretty much has little to do with anyone else clinging to the "Idol" ship like a dying barnacle.

I'm sitting next to a couple who seem to be in their late 50s. He's a huge Archuleta fan, he says. Before I can make it clear I don't care why, he launches into a story about a book he has written and  how he wanted Little D to sing the book (??) or something like that but Daddy Archuleta had a convulsion of responsible parenting and said, "He has a sore throat" but he really meant, "Stay the hell away from my kid."

Behind me is encamped a family of David Cook fans. They begin talking about D.Cook and his family in biblical terms-- stuff about being my brothers' keeper. It dawns on me hard that people watch this show for vastly and profoundly different reasons than I do. Then D. Cook's family arrives and they  get some warm, respectful applause. What a ride they've been on.

Because no one has a cell phone, most people have no idea what time it is in the Nokia Theater. Some incredibly repulsive "crowd stimulator" named Cory jumps on stage -- another white kid acting all hip-hop. He comes off as an annoying mix of manic Ty Pennington, Richard Simmons and a male cheerleader. His job: Crank up the crowd. (I'd jump and scream if he rescued my cell phone.)

We know it's almost game time because with lots of fanfare, Cory starts introducing the judges. Randy comes out first and they do some badly executed, fake "soul-bros" antics. Then Simon Cowell: He's wearing a suit, no tie with the white shirt unbuttoned. Paula gets the diva routine. She comes out encased like sausage in a gown; it's so tight she has "handlers" to get her down the  stage stairs and back up stairs to her pedastal  chair.

The stage manager comes out and tells the crowd: Shut up during the opening. It's a special opening. You'll figure out when to make noise. The  "special opening" is a boxing theme that the  show will run into the ground early but stick with throughout.

Ryan Seacrest is nowhere to be found, which seems strange until we see Michael Buffer, who must make a nice living running around to anything that will have him -- auto dealership openings, the intros to the best-watched show on TV -- doing his tired "ready to rumble" bit.

Then the gimmick goes even farther south. The finalists come down a flight of stair costumed as prize fighters. Good lord. As if that and Buffer weren't enough, Jim "I'm Older than OJ Simpson" Lampley pops up on the big video screens for the first in what will be way too many boxing metaphors.

The judges are asked to say something. The sound sucks in here. I can't hear Randy at all. Paula issues a warm gust of nothingness. Simon says: Hate your opponent.

Seacrest arrives and we get the format, which involves Clive Davis (again) and Andrew Lloyd Webber (again, too). Then the contestants reappear. Someone went to the boys section of Sears to get Little D a sports coat to wear over his T-shirt. Little D won some coin toss to see who goes first and he elects to take the wind. So D. Cook is leading off.

Mr. Davis has asked him to sing one of the biggest and most respected songs from one of the world's biggest bands: U2's "I Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For." Right. It is revealed at the same time that Little D will sing an Elton John/Bernie Taupin ballad. This smells bad from the start.

DC gives U2 the usual treatment: Start slow and easy, sprint into a hard finish. It comes off really good in the theater. I see Simon's head bobbing. Crowd loves it, especially the bible ladies behind me. Judges? Hard to say. The volume of the sound here feels low, and there's too much crowd noise to hear Randy clearly but I did hear "hot." Paula is in another state of disconnect and  atrocious puns: "We found what we were looking for." Simon  acknowledges Cook's personal trials -- "You seemed tense and emotional and I understand why" -- and calls it a phenomenal way to start the show.

Little D is next and he starts off sitting on the steps, like he's waiting for the school bus to take him to third grade. Someone fixed the volume problem in the theater  because he sounds more powerful than D Cook. His voice fills the theater. He still can't move. He moves his loose arm and stomps his foot like he's throwing a mild tantrum. He shows off all the tricks and techniques that have been drilled int him, but I still don't hear soul. The judges go bananas. Simon calls it Round 1 for the Chosen One.

Next, the boys pick one of the inspirational songs written for the "Idol" contest that didn't win -- an awful idea that plays out that way. DCook gets a chunk of cheese called "Dream Big," It's not an awful song, but it is amateur and it feels like it. DCook does fine with it. Nothing spectacular but solid.

Archuleta picks an even thicker slice of cheese, something called "In This Moment." It's spectacularly treacly and he gives it his best Josh Groban treatment. Randy: "... phone book!" Paula: You were on fire. Simon: You win this round, too. Simon, it should be remembered, is financing another over-singer, Leona Lewis, who can be heard over-emoting at a radio station near you. As the verdicts are delivered, Little D stands there, hands at side. He looks like a live version of his own "Tickle Me" doll. He quakes and hyperventilates and mutters "Thank you very much" like he's begging for his life. The guy next to me is clapping at warp speed. This is all more than a little weird.

Round 3 of this bout is "singer's choice." D Cook does the Collective Soul song he threatened to do last week. It’s perfect for him: another post-grunge, alternative-rock anthem. He rearranges it slightly and affects his vocals. In the theater, his fans give it a long, loud response.

As he finishes, Cook steps away from the microphone and fights back tears. If it’s because his ailing brother, Adam, was not able to attend the show or because his condition is worse, no one has said so.

The judges are split: Abdul issues some nonsense about standing in “truth”; Jackson said he generally liked it. Cowell first told Cook that he was one of the nicest and most sincere contestants ever on the show. Then he told him the song choice was a mistake and he should have reprised his cover of  Chris Cornell’s version of “Billie Jean.” Cook responded: “This show is about progressing. Why should I do something I’ve already done.” Touche. He didn't mean it as a jab to Archie-boy, but he scored points that way anyway.

After that, the show breaks for a commercial. Cook sheds his guitar and microphone, then starts to exit. A stage hand motions him to his mother, Beth Foraker, who has approached the stage. He buries his face in her shoulder, and they embrace, for a long moment.

David Archuelta finishes with a song he’d already done: His version of Eva Cassidy’s remake of John Lennon’s “Imagine.” Brave choice, gutless one: Not only a ballad, but one you've already slain.

This time he fills it with more runs and frills – oversings it, really. But it’s another ballad and he hammered it. The judges loved it. Cowell declares him the winner. And the boy who was bred to sing stood there smiling and breathing heavily. He cried a little, too, for some reason.

Comments

[Andrea]

As a Cookie fan, I am rightly PO'd at Simon for throwing Cook under the bus like that. He did really well tonight and AGAIN took risks - whereas Archie did what he always does - stand there looking like a ventriloquist doll.

Cook deserves this so much more than anybody else. My heart hurt for him tonight as he was fighting back tears. I love him to pieces and I hope that he wins. So badly.

[Mary]

Tim, you are dead on with your title: "Dulling me softly with his songs". David A. over-sang the same song three times. Ho-hum. He never showed any versatility. He did too much "soul-in" to Lennon's "Imagine", trying to put the focus on the messenger rather than the message. But our man, David Cook put on a CLINIC! He gave three totally different approaches to the material. Simon was complaining about DC's song choices;"Dream Big", wasn't approppo? DC was all over the spectrum. Archuleta kept bringing the energy level down for me. Simon worked overtime, trying to rig the votes. I hope it backfires on him. The telephone lines stayed busy last night each time I tried to get in to vote for David C. Anyway it goes, David Cook is going to come out the winner!

[ROb]

here is the deal, all david a can sing are ballads like he sang last night. he cannot sing rock songs, or pop songs,(my boo was horrible). david c is well rounded and can sing any song rock, pop, ballad etc..... if david a wins he is gonna be a one hit wonder because he is to one sided. yeah i understand the kid is 17 and it is a great story, but if you want to go with the person who is going to be a star and make it then the obvious choice is david c.

[margie]

David A. is not ready for the pressures that follow winning the American Idol,he is NOTHING but a meal ticket for his Dad, he is boring and predictable,you can't be successful singing nothing but ballads,,BORING. So if he wins he won't succeed in the long run, then Daddy will lose his meal ticket. David Cook is the one that should win, he has worked and showed his professionalism through this entire contest. He will be made famous if he wins or not. COOKIE ALL THE WAY!!!

[Bill]

I voted for David Cook for almost 4 hours last night, trying to counter some of the teenyboppers voting for Archie. I got through about half the time but got busy signals right up to the end so a lot of folks were voting for Mr. Cook. He deserves it and is the better vocalist and musician by far. I don't understand the judges gushing over Archie's performances. I think they've been bought off. He over-sings everything he does and sounds like he's doing Karaoke. David Cook has superior range and far better stage presence. If Archie wins American Idol then American Idol needs to rethink their method of winner selection because it will have become a joke. A year from now Archie will be nobody or maybe a Mouseketeer doing lounge gigs but David Cook will be a star. Regardless of AI he should have no trouble getting signed.

[Casey]

Tim, you wrote a piece a week or two back commenting on what's best for DC. Should the fans of DCook really be sad if he loses? The previous piece mentioned the eroding credibility among his potential base with every step forward in the competition. I think, as with Daughtry, a non-win would be the more favorable result for DC.

In addition, Randy is a molten lava hot imbecile. Never has one man said so little to advise the contestants. He makes Paula sound like the Oracle at Delphi.

[George]

Once again the TV big wigs staged a trite and silly stick with the boxing comparison and by doing so robbed integrity from the show. I also believe on the final night that is is just wrong and trite to allow the judges to claim who the winner is and stick to critiquing the song and the performance. They should not be allowed to influence the vote. By allowing this the show is manipulating voting results. To me DC won the night by showing a professional and varied assortment of talent, whereas DA just did his one trick pony act the entire show. The kid is a talented balladeer, an up and coming Josh Grogan type maybe but certainly not a versatile singer that the winner of "American Idol" should embody. Winner David Cook.

[Danielle]

Tim, I think this post is so right on. Give Archuletta all the credit - he has a beautiful voice. But it takes more then that to be a star. And David Cook is so much MORE. He does more then SING. He commands the stage and PERFORMS with such meaning. I'm glad AI has given him a platform and the concensus is he'll have plenty of opportunities from here. But after coming this far, it would be hard to see him lose. (That's why we spent four hours voting with two hands last night!) Proud of David Cook!

[Maureen]

Tim,
Last year at this time, I would never dreamed you would be in the audience of AI.... Loved you snarky reviews then as well as now...
My Question - Did the contestants have the benefit of a teleprompter during their performances Tuesday night?

[Norville Barnes]

"Someone went to the boys section of Sears to get Little D a sports coat to wear over his T-shirt."

"Little D is next and he starts off sitting on the steps, like he's waiting for the school bus to take him to third grade."

Effing brilliant.

[KC DC fan]

I am a huge DC fan and have been throughout, but I hope he doesn't win. Coming in second would give him all the publicity and none of the strings attached to being the American Idol. I was disappointed in the judges' absolute refusal to give him any props at all, but I'm going with the idea that they also know it would be better for him if he didn't win and are trying to make that happen, whether just because they know he's that good, or also because (and I'm being hugely cynical here) it might be inconvenient to have an AI with a dying brother . . .

[Tim Finn]

My seat was so far off to the right of the stage that I couldn't get a sense of what was going on in front. I could see the judges because they're elevated. However, people with signs in a section near the stage were ordered not to raise those signs because they'd block the teleprompter, but that could have been for Seacrest. I watched the big video screens as much as I did the stage.

Here's the deal about Cowell: He has no taste for rock music, especially for songs he has never heard. It's a huge blind spot for him. I knew right away he wouldn't like the Collective Soul song -- because he doesn't know it. I like that song a lot and I thought Cook did a solid job with it. But the 90-second or 2-minute limit didn't help him again. It's a slow-building song that can't be captured in a snapshot. But if you know that song, you probably thought he did at least OK with it.

Cowell likes Mariah Carey-oke. He likes ballads or pop tunes with big juicy tunes that singers can hurl their voices into. For him it's as much about the singer as the song. I generally can't stand stuff like that, so maybe it's my blind spot. All I know is I could imagine listening to David Cook for 90 minutes or more. But five minutes of Little D is already way too much.

[Canbuhay]

On Monday, Simon was quoted as wanting Cook to win...My sneaking suspicions is that Simon overpraised Archie either to get the teenyboppers overconfident and thus let Cook win or allow Archie to win knowing that Cook's career would be better from 2nd spot.

In either case, I don't think Simon was praising Archie because he thinks Archie's career will be better than Cook's.

[Vandelay]

Yeah, Simon likes the dramatic ballads that build in volume and change key once or twice. Essentially, he's a closet Barry Manilow fan.

[Brenna (Do u not agree???)]

Personally (along with most) I think the judges are some of the most bias reality T.V. show judges the spotlight has ever laid eyes on. Yes, David A. is a good (but boring!) singer; that being said it still is completely WRONG for Randy to talk down on Cook's wonderful performances and praise Artuleta until he cries!!!! I am still confused at Simon's unpredictably harsh critisim on Cook. Just about everyone knows that Simon has been a Big D fan from day 1. So why would he throw him under the bus on the MOST IMPORTANT night of his life???? It made me completely mad ecspecially since David gave THREE completely fabulous performances and he was totally feed to the wolves!!!!! All i know is that David Cook is the better choice and the one that i would LOVE to see win!!! I have NEVER voted once in the history of American Idol but i stayed up till midnight voting NON-STOP for 4 hours!!!!!!!!!
DAVID COOK FOR THE NEXT AMERICAN IDOL!!!!!!!!!!!! :):):)

[Chris]

I think Simon wants Archuleta to win simply because Archuleta is an easier act to market; he's a slightly less masculine version of Hannah Montana. He is a horrible live performer but it won't affect his ability to sell records. His album could be the worst ever recorded (and likely will be one of the worst of all time, my God can you imagine the sap that thing will contain?) and 12 year old girls will not only buy it, they will be convinced it's actually good. Anybody want to wager that Archuleta winds up owning a chimp named Bubbles in the not too distant future?

[Brenna-Me Again]

Hey Chris i'll take that wager!!!

[Louise]

First i want to thank you for all the wonderful articles you post. Thanks again for let us spread the love we have for our's favorites one. Melinda Doolittle are really a talented singer with a big heart of Gold! Without website will be really difficult for any fans to share the great news about them. Thanks.
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